I let things bother me. This, I am completely aware of. Little stupid things too, like the relationships of Lost, or an old highschool "mate" trying to be cool by doing things "that only cool people do." You'd think I would just leave these things alone.

I won't though, and I know I can't change.

After all, the INFP doesn't like conflict, but if something is perceived to be unfair, he/she will absolutely ignore that harmony and speak up to defend what's right.

It's like I don't even care anymore.

And unrelatedly, I wish I was more normal.

He told me to email him.

He gave me his personal email. He said to email him, just email him about anything. Anything, just to hear from me. If you don't know what this means, it means a lot.

I never emailed him because I wanted to get rid of my link to him. And I was mad, because I didn't do anything about this stupid idealistic relationship that Idream of. And I was angry at myself because I was letting life happen in front of me. And I sat there. And I did nothing.

And I was waiting for so long, to get this personal email offer.

And I got it.

And I should be happy.

But instead I feel stupid and lonely and depressed and miserable and I just want to vent to him so much about how sad I am, I want him to take care of it, make it better, BUT HE IS THE ONE THAT IS MAKING ME FEEL THIS WAY.

I'm sorry, I need a Lost rant. If you don't watch the show, don't read this.

Sawyer and Juliet. Probably one of the worst jump the shark moments on tv. Yet for some reason, EVERYONE is in love with this couple. And they are either a.) Sawyer fangirls b.) Juliet fangirls/guys c.) Jack/Kate fans or d.) Kate haters. And the reason why I hate this pairing is that they act out of character. Because they would have worked as a beautiful pair of frenemies, maybe growing into good friends. Lost, I would have been fine with this. But no, we had to create a plot device for the whole Sawyer/Kate relationship. After 5 seasons of pure Sawyer and Kate lovin', we need to create a diversion for Sawyer this time, at the last minute. Sawyer has been pining over Kate since the pilot, and now all of a sudden, Kate is pining over him, and Sawyer has another woman? How contrived is that?

But the annoying thing, is that people who like this pairing love these characters. These are their favorite characters. However, how can Sawyer or Juliet be your favorite if they acted out of character? This means you don't like them when they're in character? So how could you like their character at all? Because as far as I remember, everyone hated Juliet. Especially the jaters. Now they love her. Like you wouldn't believe. Like they are making petitions and what not to save her character, while going around saying, "Yeah, I hated her in seasons three and four but I like her now." You like her now, because she is not a threat to your pair. And neither is Sawyer for that matter. And people are writing fanfiction, and in their character box, they write James, Juliet, some Jate! (smiley face). Like Jate is a special added bonus. First of all, if you ship Suliet, you do not automatically ship Jate. No, you don't. And secondly, who the fuck is James? Or LaFleur? Do you even like Sawyer?

Because when Sawyer left the island to go on the sub, he looked up and said, "good riddance." And people are cheering him on? Because he is being selfish and leaving his friends to die? And you think that's a growth in his character? No offense, but are you even watching the fucking show?

And Sawyer and Juliet were my two absolute favorite characters. Not anymore. I can't stand them. I hope Juliet dies, I really do. It's a shame what they did to her character. And mind you, she was my ABSOLUTE favorite up until 5x08. And then they ruined her. The only role she played was to be jealous and bitter and angry over Kate. But as far as I know, she is not a bitter person. They made her "ugly" in her actions. And people like that?!

And my last complaint, the Kate haters. People look at Kate, and say she was a waste this season. But hello, major character growth here! Juliet regressed while Kate took the reins. She went from being selfish and insecure to maternal and respectful and accepting. Juliet went from being a strong lead with a hard exterior and a softer interior, to a softer exterior and a bitter and resentful interior.

And people are making petitions to keep her on?! Let the writers do their own fucking jobs! You can't change the show to make yourself happy, especially for the future of a relationship that lasted EIGHT EPISODES. Even Jack/Juliet lasted two seasons.

I'm throwing myself a pity party over here.

So this guy, that I was in love with (and only him), for five years, turns out he's dating someone else. And the situation is really something that I am NOT writing about here, nor anywhere else on the internet, because it is wrong. But basically, I wasted my time and I am mad at myself because I thought I was doing a good thing for him and me and basically, all of my efforts went to waste. That's it.

Whatever, I'm over this. I just want to be the best, to show him what he could have had, to show him that I am better, that I am something, something worth a hell of a lot more.

I am sulking over not going to art school and going to a dumbass college instead. I attend one of the hardest, most prestigious schools and I do not feel comfortable there. I cannot be my artistic self, because no one understands me. I think differently than everyone else there does, and it is not for me. But I need a pratical education, but I admire and envy those natural attitudes that come out of these art students; they're at home. I am not at home. That is the difference between us.

And the difference between me and that dumbass girl is that she fits the outgoing slut archetype. I do not.

I have no motivation, whatsoever, to hang out with anyone this summer. So of course, I am lazy at home too, and on my diet, which I have failed today, by eating seven thousand munchkins. Again, whatever. But I do not even have the motivation to watch tv, and I am hoping that this is due to hormonal fluctuations via my period. I always always fall into a depression around that time of the month, so I'm betting it's that.

Anyways, I am heading to bed, and once again, today was a failure.